Pusillanimity: Lack of determination/courage

Pusillanimity

Meaning: Lack of determination/courage

A new word I got a chance to add in the treasure of my vocabulary. This shows that I’m a very enthusiastic and zealous person, determined to learn a new thing everyday.

BUT this is far from the truth. The harsh reality which no one wants to address. Nobody wants to accept this as a genuine problem which can lead to burnout and the loss of your passion and determination to do something in your life.

Everybody thinks of you as the courageous and talented person— even gifted. And all this leads to pusillanimity in your adult life, because you grew up being showered with the praises at your achievements and never got the needed support when you stumbled. So, you just became an overachiever at a very young age and now you don’t understand that why you feel unsatisfied with your current achievements.

There is always this feeling that you haven’t really achieved anything yet. It leads to overworking yourself and then you just get stuck in the loop of struggling where as soon as you get to achieve something you are expected to do more — to achieve more.

When I first time felt tired I also felt guilty, I didn’t considered myself worthy enough to take a rest. I was made to believe that I was the only one who stopped working and now was the time that my downfall will start. Then, I raced, struggling to be ahead of everyone else, but one day I looked around and saw that nobody was the part of the race except myself. Everyone else has his/her own race to run. The goal of life was to better than oneself, to be better than the yesterday “ You”, not to make the same mistakes, not to dwell on the past and enjoy the present time while also preparing yourself for the future. It was never about the others, it was always YOU vs YOU, that’s why you’ve the right to rest when the things get hard, you can cry when things get too much, you can be overwhelmed and feel like loosing control and it’s ALRIGHT! …. You just have to take a break and stand up again with zeal and determination. You’re to take a long nap and turn a new page in your life BUT one thing to remember is to close the page after you’ve completed one and never be an open book to anyone because it kills the suspense.